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Singleness – 10 Tips to Living a Great Life As a Single Woman
Every day the divorce rate averages between 50-60% in the United States. When you add to that the number of women who remain in emotionally dead relationships and relationships that are physically or emotionally abusive, it is clear that only a small percentage of women are satisfied with their partners. I’ve had significant relationships, but most of my adult life I’ve been a single woman. I’m not against finding a new man or getting into a new relationship in the future, but there are things about being single that I love and would hate to give up. If you struggle with loneliness, the following tips can change your life by building self-esteem and increasing your financial and emotional security.
1. Organize your work life. This doesn’t mean you have to take a job you hate for a big fat paycheck; instead it means the opposite. Find something you love to do and do it to the best of your ability. Find ways to maximize your income from what you love to do. Look for people you can love and support on their journey and people who will love and support you on yours. (Consider joining a support group if you don’t have friends or relatives who believe in you and validate you).
2. Take care of your health. Women are bombarded with misleading images and statistics about health. Grocery stores, billboards and televisions feature scantily clad anorexic women selling everything from coffee to diapers. 16-year-old models are used to sell anti-wrinkle cream. That is absolutely ridiculous. I have always been a large, athletic, active woman. A few years ago I was deeply concerned about my weight. According to medical records, I was between 40 and 50 pounds overweight. At my annual checkup, I brought it up to my doctor. Her answer shocked me. She said, “You have blood pressure like an athlete, don’t worry about it.” So my advice – find a sport you like and do it 3 to 5 times a week. It can be water aerobics, dancing, karate or intensive walking. Find a diet plan that works well for your body. I eat mostly unprocessed organic food including lots of fresh vegetables, some fruit, some dairy and some protein. I still like sweets so I allow them, but only in small amounts. By maintaining optimal health, you’ll have optimal energy, lower medical bills, and are more likely to have a better outlook on life. I exercise almost every day. When I don’t, I tend to have low energy and low-grade depression.
3. Take care of your finances. Avoid debt at all costs. There are so many creative ways to make a good living on very little money, as long as you don’t fall for the ads or the desire to “keep up with the Joneses.” There are many books that provide excellent information on how to get out of debt and increase prosperity. If you are able to buy a home and it makes financial sense, do it. Don’t wait for Mr. Right. Even if, or when, he comes, he’ll probably admire your financial savvy. Consider joining a financial investment group or taking a stock market class at your local community college. Pay off your debts and start saving.
4. Feed your maternal instincts. If you really want a child and have the finances to support yourself and the child, and have a large network of supportive family and friends, adopt the child or apply to become a foster parent. If you don’t have the money or don’t feel like a single parent, look for volunteer opportunities to meet your needs as a mother. You can be someone’s emotional mother regardless of your age, income or location. Many children with biological parents need more maternal support from the community.
5. Nurture your need for touch. The desire for sex and/or touch is normal and natural. Some people feel good about casual sex. I am not one of them, yet I am a physically active woman. The need to touch is essential for survival. It is very useful to schedule routine massages and establish friendships where normal friendly hugs or kisses are expected. I also love animals and share my home and heart with several pets. Nothing is more comforting than a cat sleeping on my lap while I read a good book.
6. Live in the moment as much as possible. One of the biggest challenges a woman herself faces is that we often project into the future. We think: “If I’m alone now, I’ll always be alone”. This may or may not be true, but either way, we are missing out on the gifts that this present moment has to offer. According to the Buddha’s Second Noble Truth, all suffering comes from desire and our inability to accept our circumstances. Once we embrace the present moment, the richness of life and the endless possibilities of joy are apparent.
7. Learn a quick comeback for relatives or negative self-talk. If you’re sick of hearing someone say, “…poor thing, so beautiful and still alone,” or some similar comment, find a truth or joke that you can use as a quick, automatic response. For example, consider the benefits of being single. “I like my solitude,” or a kind joke, “so you’re already married to Uncle Clyde.” This ultimately gets the point across and helps you maintain your good feelings about your independence.
8. Look for the advantages of being single or the disadvantages of being married. I have a wide circle of friends and I don’t have to look far. Several of my female friends married men who developed serious health problems. My friends now spend their time and money taking care of their partner. It crippled their finances and creativity. On my worst day, I wouldn’t trade places with them. Another dear friend of mine is married to a man who, like herself, is very stubborn and outspoken. They have horrible verbal spats. Society doesn’t bother this couple, and I’ve heard a lot of it. These dear friends always make up and seem to have a good marriage, but this is not what I would want. As a single woman I have 100% control over where I go, what I do, who I see, when I get home, how much money I spend and what I do with my time. I can put on my pajamas at 5pm or stay out all night. I love it.
9. Make and keep a good circle of friends. Some single women I know form travel groups, investment clubs, or are involved in couples’ functions. It is important to give and receive love and maintain friendships whether you are in a significant relationship or not. Learning to be a better friend and stay connected to the people you care about is an important part of life’s journey.
10. Keep your mind active. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s important to exercise your brain as much as your body. Watch science or nature shows, take classes, join a study group, or find some way to stay fascinated with life. The world is an amazing place; there is so much to learn, be and do. By keeping your mind active, you will experience more joy in being alive. Plus, if you’re constantly learning, people will find you interesting, your confidence will stay healthy, you’ll meet new people, maybe increase your health or finances, or your circle of friendship and support.
Once you learn to be happy in your solitude, you may or may not choose to share your life with another. If you learn to be financially and emotionally responsible for your health and well-being, you’ll be more likely to enjoy life whether you’re single or not. If you choose a partner, it will be from a place of strength, not need. Once you learn how to take loving care of yourself, it’s easier to avoid a partner who brings you down or hurts you emotionally, physically, or financially. In the long run, it won’t matter if you get married, have a lover, or live alone. You will live your life joyfully.
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