How Much Should A 2 Year Old Boy Be Talking For True Love, Pick a Beta Male

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For True Love, Pick a Beta Male

Last week we had various family members and friends who hadn’t met before. Girls in their 20s started talking about their favorite boys to their friends, referring to these guys by such affectionate nicknames as Precious Delight, Pure Sweetness, and Totally Dorbs (for adorable). A 28-year-old man who overheard this conversation declared that he would die if he thought any woman described him as precious pleasure. He insisted that women wanted the Alpha male, the superhero, the dominant, strong leader of the pack. In his opinion, these silly girls described tits, weak and feminine losers. But what he missed was the fact that the girls giggled and sighed over the Betas. Those kind, demonstrative, communicative, relaxed, gentle, nice guys.

When I was in college, there was a guy whose nickname was Trog, short for Trogladyte. One Halloween he dressed up as a caveman, and it was the most appropriate outfit I’ve ever seen him wear. I thought he was gross, but I guess he had something if you fantasize about being dragged by the hair and carried away by the campfire. (Actually, that sounds hot.) But this was the late 70s and Alpha males were out of style. The countercultural 60s glorified what I called the Sensitive Ponytail Man, ie. Beta male. I dreamed of poets and singer-songwriters, not athletes. Of course, the pendulum always swings, and eventually those guys grew up, went to graduate school, cut their hair, and joined the establishment. Their sons aspired to Alpha status.

When it comes to mating, Alpha, Beta and even Omega males try to get a piece. They compete with each other to prove who is the biggest kid. But they should pay more attention. The girls are getting restless, and something is interfering with the status quo. Beta males, those sweet, honest boys who speak the language of women, emerge as heroes in popular culture. Girls want guys who have some femininity in them. They want guys who are best friends. And women have the power to elevate Beth’s position in life by making it the new romantic ideal.

Jim Halpert, played by the Perfectly Dorbs John Krasinski on The Office, is the best living example of a perfect Beta. Sigh. (He actually grew up in the next town over, and I saw him go to mass with his parents when he was home visiting. He’s so precious.) Jim Halpert isn’t incredibly handsome, but his hotness comes from the pure unadulterated love he feels (and shows ) according to Pam. You just know he loves hours of pillow talk (which, of course, follows hours of putting Pam’s sexual pleasure first).

Seth Rogan doesn’t do it for me personally, but he’s proven that he can play the leading man convincingly. Before watching Knocked Up, you can’t imagine how Katherine Heigl’s character would ever fit him. And when you leave the theater, you don’t buy it. But during the film you suspend disbelief. He doesn’t have his act together, but he has a good heart. The raw material is there. In the end, he becomes a better man thanks to his love for his wife. That’s a boy women can hug.

My personal crush right now is the guy from Free Credit Report. He is so good-natured, so self-deprecating, so funny. OK, maybe I don’t want my daughter to marry him, with his bad credit and all. But I bet he’d be a really good boy. And in the midst of all this hooking up and awkwardness and crappy treatment from the Alphas, doesn’t a visit to Beta territory sound refreshing? Perfectly wonderful.

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