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DE-FUNKING YOUR LIFE – How Can I Feel Happy, Energetic and Inspired by Life Again?
Hey, we all wake up some days “with a funk”… whether it’s a self-inflicted funk or an accidental funk, we get a funk, and that funk feels… feels… kind of… funky. ..
So “what are we going to do about it”
Funk is funk…
Funk means heart attack. Yes, that’s right, a heart attack. It is either a true heart, a loving heart, or a spiritual heart.
So when we’re in a funk, it’s a heart attack and if we ignore it, or try to get out of that funk without rest, we’re going to escalate that funk into real trouble.
Instead of getting out of da funk, we have to give in to it.
The funk doesn’t last. The funk may last a day, sometimes a week. We have a broken heart to mend this week, so we have to change some shit.
Let’s take a look… what we should do when we give in to funk…
1. Check for physical funk heart attack.
Now, in Chinese medicine, all organs ultimately lead to the heart. So even if your anus hurts, it has something to do with your heart. So when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now we know that we have an attack on our heart from the physical side, we must trace it to the source.
It’s not tomato sauce, but the source of the root, which can be kidneys, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (if you’re only a woman) and more. So an attack on the heart causes a funk, but the attack comes from distant locations.
I once had a heart attack that bought me into a funk for six months. I did more yoga and went to the doctor and they x-rayed my testicles until I glowed in the dark, but still did more tests. They once put electrodes on my fingers and sent shocks through my body and asked “did that hurt?” They were supposed to work in Guantanamo Bay.
Despite all those tests and the new Lamborghini the specialist got from all my accounts, the funk didn’t go away. But one day, I bent down to pick up a coin and shzzaaam I got a pain through my body like I was giving birth to the incredible hulk.. and I don’t have a vagina… so I was rushed to the hospital and there was a stone on the Maasai warrior’s earlobe in the kidney the size of an engagement ring. For six months, my kidney was messing with me, and now I decided to let it go into the world.
Passing that stone down my urethra was like trying to suck a Biggest Loser contestant through a milkshake straw… or worse, trying to drink a McDonalds Thick Shake through a straw…
After a week on some pills that made the world look very good, even my ex, then they sonic smashed that meteor sized rock into little pieces that they asked me to collect in a strainer every time I peed for the next two weeks. Well, it wasn’t hard to know when to reach for the strainer, in fact my neighbors could do it with the screaming and yelling I was going through as the pieces of coral traveled down Freddie and out of my body…
Suffice it to say, there was no funk a few months later.
Funk is a heart attack and you know more than one funky day a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source… If you’re a guy over 50, get your cholesterol checked, send a sub to check your heart isn’t blocked, then ask a good doctor to send a finger where fingers usually don’t work appropriate to check your prostate.. .then if they can’t find something, look elsewhere, blood tests, etc.
My kidney stone could have been detected, but I gave up too quickly.
Once you’ve had your full-body and full-body MRI, go to step 2.
Step 2. Check if Love Funk is having a heart attack
De funk is also depression. Depression is a bad word because it’s kind of “stereotyped”… “hey, he’s depressed” is similar to “he’s got the plague – stay away, wear a mask.”
So let’s call depression “Love Funk”
For women, this funk is not common. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially those who hate men)… and there are plenty of them.. but that’s another topic.
For guys, “Love Funk” can come months and months after a moment of love funk. Like a breakup or some bad news like “hey, did you know your wife is having sex with your neighbor?”… Many men are out of touch with their feelings so even though they get the shock of the Love Funk incident, there is a delayed reaction like an aftershock. which may take months or years to surface.
I remember breaking up with my partner before I became enlightened… (just kidding).. anyway, it was a long time ago. I hurt myself, but I didn’t even know it. I carried on like nothing happened and then I got Funk… Love Funk… about 2 years later.
I went to the doctor and described my symptoms, and he suggested that I need psychological counseling. (which is still true) but that aside, I had a Love Funk about the last relationship even though I was happy in the new one. Looks like I wasn’t that honest with myself and, as my dad used to say, “toughen up and be strong” And here I am with Love Funk.
I didn’t take pills, I took some herbs… St. John’s Wart… Which is the worst anti-depressant brand I’ve ever heard of. Who is St John and why would his Nipples be better than mine…. Anyway, I took those things and then set about dealing with my attachments, pain, guilt (there were many) and anger over the whole old relationship . Shit it’s such a waste of time but I had Funk and there was no way I was going to live in the Love Funk world for long.
Step 3. Check if Spiritual Funk has a heart attack
Spiritual Funk has nailed me to the wall more times than I care to admit.
Spiritual funk means lost hope for some dream I had about the future.
When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL football star, I trained every morning, every night, I slept with my leg next to me, I had pictures on my walls and I loved playing football. Then, in one game, I jumped to reach for the stars to mark and landed on a twisted ankle. He tore the ligaments from the bone. Back in the day, they plastered everything, even a snake bite, so all I ended up with was a ligament-bound ankle that couldn’t handle rougher pitches than a bowling alley. I sprained that ankle over 100 times over the following years, including in Nepal while trekking in the Himalayas. It took me five years of yoga to become confident again. To say that my football career is over is an understatement.
I got Spiritual Funks and went to the doctor… he said, “You’re depressed,” but I was a hero, a funny, funny guy. No depression for me. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sports hero collapsed, so did I. I got Spiritual Funk.
Years later after my marriage imploded and my three children sailed around the world to, as my ex-wife put it, “get as far away from you as possible”. I got Spiritual Funks again… This time I was So annoyed I went to the top of a cliff to jump.. I didn’t want any more funks… I didn’t jump – obviously.
Many, many, many, many.. people I meet have spiritual funk… You can tell people with Spiritual Funk because they feel old to be around, have no sparkle in their eyes and are obsessed with what other people think.
Spiritual Funk is bad funk… and to combat it, we use four substitutions:
Food, drink and drugs… We can escape the funk by shoveling it with food, dousing it with alcohol or transporting our brains away from it. So obesity, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon problems and more can be directly linked to Spiritual Funk… Lost dreams, lost hopes and attachment to the past.
Greed… The poorest man I ever met was the richest. A billionaire who lived in fear of losing it. Greed is not measured in wealth or frugal spending, it is measured in competitiveness, tension, stress and fear.
Sexuality… When all else fails, scream. It is the mass consciousness that has saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Many – grant – most of the sex on the planet happens because there’s nothing better to do.. and luckily for us it is because otherwise we’d run out of people to buy iMacs. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, resorts and more all work on Spiritual Funk for a significant core business. When the lights go out at the end of the tunnel, people strike a match, it’s called sexuality. The matchlight in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel invisible anyway… That’s a great metaphor…
Spirituality… My friend is married to a guy. I feel sorry for him. She meditates 4 hours a day and thinks something big is happening as a result. But really, the spark is gone and her hiding place is legitimizing itself, cross-legged on the floor with closed eyes, in no-MANS-land…
A friend of mine is in Spiritual Funk and has been there for 20 years. In the last five she has also gained weight so now spirituality doesn’t block the world enough, she eats.. god, she eats enough to feed a third world country… And then she has a colon… as part of her spiritual cleansing… Recently her two boys have become teenagers, and are being clinically monitored for depression… remember my quote from Jung… “nothing affects a child more than a life not lived parent?”
Okay, so there are three sources of FUNK…all of which affect the heart.
There is Physical Funk that comes from the body, but ultimately attacks the heart. This is the first place we have to look if we have The Funk because your body is nature’s Bible…it tells you things and it pays to listen.
There’s Love Funk… Emotional stuff that’s gone underground and eats away at your energy… just as repressed anger becomes depressed. Guilt, shame, guilt, sacrifice, anger, jealousy are the drivers of Love Funk.
There’s Spiritual Funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this Funk. It’s dark, desperate, and encourages people to act, breathe, eat, sleep, poke, and pray in some fanatical and strange ways. You can’t fight Spiritual Funk… if you have it, because some dream has come crashing down, then it’s high time you reinvent yourself. Banging your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself might work, but it’s not what nature intended, and it’s certainly not the path to a FUNK-FREE LIFE.
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