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Sexless Solitude And Other Poems
1
DON’T JUDGE ME
It’s still connected, but I don’t understand it
or they don’t want to understand because
I am too much with myself and worry
about her dying libido and mine
own sex shrinking amid the chill of the salsa
Bihu fever, Vishu rituals
the ringing void shakes day and night
youth curled into age to play with a single blade
in the forked flame to carve the image of heaven
to challenge the jealous God to undo
the sins of the races run in my blood:
I love Him through the bodies He made
but they do not understand redemption
in stirring up and dissolving the sea
they do not rejoice in the flame of henna
on her palms neither let the lily bloom
in the valleys they use cracks and cliffs
to mar beauty and amplify voices
don’t judge me if i’m not white
water still flows in my river
2
BARBED WIRE FENCE
My window opens
to the back of the garage
where the guards make water
sometimes they show their dick
maid in my kitchen:
they don’t care about anyone
how can i complain
if boys and girls make love
in the bush between
children’s park and
my yard? They are distanced
by a barbed wire fence
3
OVERLOAD
It goes wrong
electric circuit
in brain cells
in my drugged dream
I swear
unconsciously
victims:
I can’t help my sensory
overload
4. HAZY SUN
Desire to sweat
inhales new sketches
with the pen of the mind
on the pillow
picture by picture
the night passes
not knowing
what a misty sun
rose from the sea
5. ALOOF
Not related to trees
he doesn’t know his family
standing aside, questions
ancestors do not change
mood of the weather:
the paper reads his name
6. PEACE MISSION
He is amazed when he sees
so much corruption
in the system
world peace:
his colleagues envy
of his foreign excursion
with the UN
and earnings
in dollars, rise so fast
in career and
have the best of
life and style
while I worry
freedom in the Congo
untamed people
safe stay
7. WINTER
The day is shorter
the night is longer
and yet sleep deprived
suffer the darkness
in the air in bed
I hear the roar
or a whisper
care without wings
there is no high poetry
but nightmares trimming
sun and sky
it could never be
8. ABUSE IN A SLEEP
Smelly waking hours
turn into solid abuses
in the abyss of the head
drugged after midnight
rip off the holes of the mind
veils I never wore
they are naturally disturbed:
become sleep deprived to discover
silly sophistry
poet professor
is unable to correct itself
its internal balance
and yet poses a stronger breaking
an academic community that cares
tuppence for domestics
geniuses who destroy
imported comrades who
dovetail media for flourishing
9. AGAIN AND AGAIN
Again and again
I’m in bed
my sacred space
but i can’t relax
meditate or dream
I can’t have it now
what i always had
her naked company
with tingly laughter
clouded with passion
i can’t celebrate yoni
deep into silence
renewed released returning
without finality
again and again
10. HUMAN RIGHTS
Human rights activists
discuss eradication
manual cleaning
and construction
wet toilets in villages
in the conference room
complain of poor flushing
in the NHRC toilet
and routinely condemns
junior staff
before seeking provisions
for rehabilitation
freed cleaners
11. JAGANNATH without eyes
I can’t understand
their mystical paradise or thrills
situated in consciousness
temporal intricacies
or sources of plastic fog
through the mythical depths
the wings of my thoughts
are too low to rise to God’s height
or the blue depths of peace
I’m standing on the edge
physicality of the country
waiting on the edge
with shadow lines
and curves to the image of the march ofbr>
eyeless Jagannath
if no one sees
the collapse of the procession
and dark station
don’t blame the poets:
there is too much emptiness
and darkness to ignore
12. AWARENESS IS ESSENTIAL
Every death has a passage
surprise the dead
awareness is essential
no consolation cow’s tail
in the middle of the river
paradise, far, too far
13. FROM THE WINDOW
Tall buildings appear
to grow like trees from airplanes
slowly rises high
people become small
with the cars of waterfowl and beasts
in the summer flame
nervously worried
watch the moving cloud mass
from the window
eternal patterns
a natural wonder on the edge
trace of orange
thousands of lights
twinkling in color like stars–
belted
14. ON HER BIRTHDAY
I wish you the best in life
but you understand too much
what can’t i do
You have to be patient and do it
what can you–
I can’t produce fruit
I can create space
to stand, but I can’t
become legs
you have to start the race
be yourself and be
what are you dreaming
the redness of mars
and the whiteness of the moon
melt into you
you have worlds to conquer
and miles to go, my dear
you have to raise a goose
and have gold every day
15. THE DEAD ARE RESTLESS TOO
Hallway monitoring
in mind for seeds
wrong dreams now turned
nightmares drugs can’t control
there is no use in mock meditation
God’s yoga or seer
escape mumbo-jumbo
the beasts within him nurtured for years
now I’m afraid of every movement
suicidal bid but dies
harder when
and the dead are restless
16. IGNITE MINDS WITH FLASHERS
I read them, but my prayers
it cannot be news for tomorrow
nor pictures can mean
channel surfing with coffee
at the end of the day it cannot be reflected
something positive to take
I justify the pride in myself
age or hours only lengthen
the existence of animals
show worse than animals with
the smallness of the environment and care
forgotten as if the news flashed
media without vision
glorify fetters
darkness bluffs God and men
and yet set minds on fire with blinks
17. COLLECTION INTO SELF
How to weigh the breath
soul flame or ash
the body hides:
I can’t turn around
nor know the weight of life when it is lifeless
between earth and sky
disappears one with
elements silent
there is no way to know the subject
or its binding mechanism
insures life now or
over what if I can’t feel
color weight
on the leaves on the tree maybe
shrinking into itself
18. I WAS PROMISED A NEW SUN
Walking down a long corridor
a beam of light beckons
from a distant window
forward digit
gently motioning for me to move
further along the passage
a large oak door appears
carved into the stone on the wall
next to a strange looking door
symbols from unknown alphabets
I’m trying to push the golden lock
on the handle, but it’s not
open the golden key
shines brilliantly in the hand
in the dark I go out
a window opens from the inside
to the sea a huge yacht
slowly moves towards
the castle was occupied by the kings
with rare wealth and power:
I was promised a new sun
19. I WANT TO SLEEP
Living among the sick
and sick what else
shall I wear except
germs and lingering allergens
I toss and turn
from 10 pm to 4 am
maybe from day one
I never slept well and now
I want to sleep without pills
drinks ‘zines or sex
without thinking without praying in peace
20. MET BULLETIN
Snow all around
for the last seven days
no supplies no planes
runway all white
they survive in their small shop
for the winter in fiber huts
bored drink more often
and wait for the met bulletin
21. VIOLATED WISHES
Three times a day standing
at the sink she
washes utensils
to save tears and memories
it stinks of broken wishes
from a cracked pillow
linoleum in the compartment
22. REMIX
A sense of security with shadows
live flickering images
channels fraudulently sell:
remote control in hand
change ringtones for songs my mother
hummed and choreographed
with girls and boys playing sex
tasteless in a cheesy fastener
23. IS THIS ALL?
With a prayer cocktail
living animal existence
and boasts, is that all?
in the same shell
the mushrooms of illusion grow
toadstools of the cursed tract
24. JOURNEY
The journey
no sense of direction
there is no control
destiny or destination
I can’t be proud of the flickering
or flashes on their faces
they come and go on the train
with the same indifference
shadows of distant houses
hills and trees keep passing by
25. PSALM
Where can I find a vacation?
at the gates of Sheol?
in the dust? or in the light
life? standing still
among the wicked?
break ties and throw away
their ropes that divide the faith
with a flattering tongue
turn the well into the sea
or preaches hypocrisy
untouched by fire or air:
O God, save me from sin
calling them sinners
and bless the spirit within
time and me that I feel
your healing touch in mind
and endure without regret
the burdens of the world
loss of love, or even hope
to live like a lotus leaf
26. CONCLUSION
I wish I could clean up the cobwebs of legends
which cover the vision, moralize the future
with dubious fame they encourage us to go backwards:
the echoes of the dead resound; no use
setting the alarm to go off in 2010
hidden in the empty passwords of life’s seconds
a travesty is periodically exhumed
from the obsolescence of the sun that ever dimmed
India Gate or Delhi Circus
suffers midnight lust with rites of consumption
as the ending of a tragic poem
27. SEXLESS LONELINESS
I’m not looking for a stone bowl
The Buddha used while he was here:
she dwells on the moon’s rays
I see her smiling
with wind-sculpted breasts
in sexless solitude
her light is priceless
but gifted to enlighten
silver linings
28. I CUT NOBODY’S PICTURES
It’s just the color they’re replacing
not content and distance
with wobbly slogans they swallow the waves
that trap of tears before dreams rebel
why lament a shipwreck in the void
or brave moral remnants
or the frail cloth of day in a dead world:
it is not good as gauze for the sick
or a shroud for the dying: their banners deceive all
in the name of independence
they taunt millions with insipid noise
while dreams of the funeral haunt my sleep
I don’t hang anyone’s picture in my room
but he sees their shadows masturbating
in damp corners or seduce in the poppy light
thieves and righteous alike
29. PORTRAITS WE ARE AFRAID TO SEE
Culture is not repression
but sublimation through expression
why the police
art for lesbianism
homosexuality
naked sex or blasphemy?
vandal policy
extinguishes tradition
aggravates base instincts
do they know their metaphors
defy the divine that creates?
destroys the soul, the vision?
the future is not their strong wind
but the sincerity of the artist to peep
into potential hell and
come back with portraits we dread to see
30. SEBA VALLEY
I don’t know what psalms to sing
or which church to go to feel
flame within some time
sit or lie still with
faith overcomes turmoil
cooking breath by breath
I don’t know god
or goddess or mantra
to sing when fear takes hold
my being and makes me suffer
the plateau of nightmares
paralyzing spirit for life
and the promised fulfillment
I see that the savior is not coming
to save me when I’m stuck
I seek freedom from myself:
my trials are mine alone
in the valley of the self
I must learn to clear the clouds
flying high or low
Copyright: RKSINGH
Indian School of Mines
Dhanbad 826004 India
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