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What To Do If You’re In Love With a Married Man
I get a lot of emails from women who are in a very common and extremely painful situation: they are down or in relationships with married men. Many of them tell me that the reason they can’t let go is because the man is in a “bad” marriage or the woman is even downright abusive.
If you can relate to this, there is something you need to know. No matter how wonderful a man is, the ONLY thing that counts is whether or not he wants to be with YOU – permanently and completely. Moreover, a man who stays with an abusive woman wants – at some deep level – to be abused.
This means that if you are a nice, good woman, even if he were to leave his wife, he would not be attracted to you and the stability you provide. Do you see this? This is similar to the way many women are attracted to “bad boys” and violent men.
On an intellectual level, he knows it’s horrible and that you’re good and kind and sweet, but on a subconscious, visceral level, he wants to be abused. It kind of turns him on. It’s not healthy – but then you know it.
You’re never too old for the kind of relationship you want
I recently received an email from a woman in exactly the same situation I described above – she was in love with a married man who was in a miserable, abusive marriage. She was also in her sixties, so she despaired that love would pass her by and that this married man was her only chance for romance.
If you can relate to her, I want you to know this important fact: you have plenty of time. I’ve worked with many women in their sixties who found love – and much faster than you can imagine.
Online dating is a great way to meet many men. Forget bars and find things men do – golf, sports bars, sporting events, classes, lectures, computer classes…things that interest you.
And if you live in a city that makes it impossible to find a good group of men, then you need to consider moving.
Balancing the masculine and feminine
What you want to do is harness your inner “boyfriend” to get you out there, proactively – outside the house, on dating sites, at singles events and salsa dancing and speed dating.
But then the key is being able to shift from the masculine energy of “doing” to the feminine energy of “feeling” that is within you. This is what makes a man extremely attractive – even irresistible.
This means that when you go out, you simply allow yourself to enjoy your surroundings and be fully present. You focus on the experience: if you’re in a coffee shop, you’ll really feel the foam of the cappuccino on your lips. You take it all in. You lean in and let the men approach you. You let things happen and unfold naturally, rather than jumping in and taking control.
I know that once you get the hang of it and start letting men approach you – even the ones you might immediately ignore – your confidence will get a huge boost and you’ll feel much more attractive.
More importantly, you will break your addiction to a married man who can never give you what you want…and open yourself up to receiving all the love you deserve from a man who can.
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