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Condolence Letters – Writing a Condolence Letter to an Adult Who Has Lost a Parent
Condolence letters provide comfort and support long after a parent’s death, which can take years to accept. Your letter of condolence may be a source of comfort during those difficult years. As we age, we come to terms with the fact that our parents will probably die before us. Our parents live longer, which gives us more time to come to terms with their death. But when faced with the reality of their death, it is very difficult to overcome the emotions of grief and confusion. A sincerely written condolence letter can help a grieving adult child through the difficult times ahead.
Adult children coping with the death of a parent
Regardless of your age and experience, your parent is always your parent. Your bond with your parents is a part of your identity that never goes away. Everyone can relate to the death of a parent, biological or not, grandparent or guardian.
Each of us is a son or daughter, who will lose a parent at some point. You can use this knowledge as the basis for a condolence letter to a bereaved adult child. If you have already lost a parent, remember how you felt and how you reacted and imagine how the bereaved person is feeling right now. If you haven’t already lost a parent, imagine what it might be like for you and the bereaved. Jot down those emotions and notes to use later in your condolence letter.
A friend of mine, whose father passed away, told me how he was afraid of approaching the age of forty-two because his father died at the age of forty-two. When your parents die, you become more aware of your own mortality. Sometimes you may feel that your parents have abandoned you and that you are now an orphan no matter how old you are. The feeling of loss overshadows everything you do.
Understanding this will help you write a great condolence letter that will truly comfort and support a grieving adult child.
Coping with grief
For many grown children, grieving in public is unacceptable. People frown on such behavior. Friends and well-wishers turn their attention to the surviving spouse or grandchildren. No one recognizes that adult children also grieve. In addition, when there is one surviving parent, the adult child feels that it is his or her duty to “take care” of his or her parent and drown his or her grief.
Your condolence letter should acknowledge the fact that grieving is not only acceptable, but necessary to get over the pain of losing a parent. Your letter of condolence is likely to be read privately when the bereaved allow their emotions to come out, no matter what they are, sadness, anger, fear, relief, etc.
Death after prolonged illness
As an adult, watching your parent go through a long period of serious illness is stressful. The strain of being financially and emotionally responsible for their care is overwhelming. You also have to devote a lot of your time to caring for your parent. If you consider the positive side, you will have more than enough time to emotionally prepare for the farewell. On the other hand, death can bring relief mixed with anger, exhaustion and depression.
Your letter of condolence to an adult child of a parent who has passed away from a prolonged illness should also affirm commitment and dedication to caring for them, and now the bereaved can rest and take care of themselves now. They did everything they could for their parent.
Writing a condolence letter
The death of a parent can be devastating, a relief, or any emotion in between. Knowing that there is a complex relationship between parents and children, and understanding that this is a difficult time no matter what the relationship was, will help you write a touching and effective condolence letter.
The most important thing to remember is that it doesn’t matter what you write. Go ahead and write that condolence letter.
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