How Old Is The Boy From Daddy Day Care Now Painful Lessons From A Father – A Confession

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Painful Lessons From A Father – A Confession

It looks like you are making the right decision. The road you’re going down seems less scary. The difficulty is certain if you go the other way. We know this choice is the best. There are so many ways to justify this decision. In your opinion, it is the right thing for your child. Only you had the foresight to see the danger in your decision.

I write these words from experience. I once stood at the same intersection. My choice was identical: stay or leave. Being young and immature, my rationalization made me leave. Her mother didn’t have the luxury of choice. Although I justified it in my head, there is no reason to abandon the child. Succumbing to fear will never lead to a healthy conclusion. It is the ultimate in selfish behavior.

All around me I see men making the same choice. This saddens me deeply, because I know the results of their election. Today I have an insight that I lacked so many years ago. Hindsight is truly 20/20. If I had to do it all over again, I would choose a different path. The one I chose turned out to be more difficult. It is made of pain and frustration. Once you’re out that door, it’s extremely treacherous to get back in. We can make up for a lot in life; time is not one of those things.

I see so many who believe they are doing the right thing by leaving. The most common argument is that I can’t make enough money here. The second is about the impossibility of getting along with the mother. Both of these situations can be true. However, they do not apply to one’s relationship with the child. Your child cares little about the money you earn. Nor does that child really care about toys – his/hers or yours. And when you leave the house, the relationship with your mother is secondary. What is important is to be there for your offspring. That is the most important thing.

Children are resilient. They adapt to the circumstances around them. Whatever shape family dynamics take, they will adapt. The question is how adaptable will you be? Don’t be surprised if you find out that your decision created a number of other factors that you didn’t even imagine. Are you ready to live with the pain of these factors? Since you are likely to be unaware of the potential pitfalls of your choice, the chances of you being prepared for them are minimal.

My experience is that you have to give up money. Also, do whatever it takes to get along with your mother. Stop hanging out with your friends and be responsible. Stay away from alcohol/drugs so you can be a father. This is the most reasonable option you have. If you choose to continue as you are doing, your path will be much bumpier.

There was a time when I decided to leave my child’s life. That one choice kept me away from my daughter for the first 5 years. She didn’t even know I existed. During that time, another man walked into her life who became her “dad”. To this day they call him that even though she understands my biological connection to her. It’s something I live with every day of my life. My choice led me to give up my position as the father of my child.

After I mustered enough courage to try to resolve the situation with my daughter, it was too late. Stepping after 5 years is impossible. Although I had the courts to approve my reappearance, I did not have a child. Her whole world was shaken to its core. It’s hard for someone that age to understand what’s going on. In her mind, I was a disturbance in the only world she knew. This caused great fear which manifested itself as anger. We are often unaware of how deeply our decisions can affect our children.

If you think the road back was easy, think again. It took another 5-6 years before my daughter became somewhat tolerant of me. As mentioned, I’m not her “daddy” yet. And I never will be. That role was sacrificed by my decision. I also had to accept that I had no hope of ever having the relationship with her that my father has with his sister. That is reserved for the one who chose to be in her life even though this child is not biologically his.

The only hope I have is to be her friend. My job now is to love her in whatever capacity she will let me. I offer her support, expecting nothing in return. I have no right to anything in this relationship. I chose to leave. I am a guest in her life and I am forced to act like one. My rights lapsed the day I made that unfortunate decision. Courts may say one thing, but the mind of a lost child will say something completely different. In the end, only her point of view matters.

So you have the decision to stay or go. I know how much easier the road seems to be. Don’t be fooled. Indeed, it is the hard way. This decision will affect you for the rest of your days. Learn from my experience and be sure to do it right. It matters little what your relationship is with the mother of your child. The best I can hope for is friendship in that department. Money is no substitute for a father’s love, no matter how much it is. All your present selfish wants and desires might satisfy you now, but they will leave a big hole in you in the future. I can guarantee you that.

There is only one choice here; it is to stay. Be a part of that child’s life. This does not mean that you should stay with your mother. Some people just don’t belong together. Two people who are at each other’s throats fail to create the right home for a child. It is often best for everyone involved to part ways. However, being a part of that child(ren)’s life is always the best choice.

I say all this not so much for him/her, but for you. I can only speak as one who abandoned his child and the pain was caused in my life. It’s not something I would wish on another human being. Not only do I feel the pain inside me, but it doubles when I consider the pain I caused her. My decision affected someone who was completely innocent in that situation. I assure you this is not something you want to live with.

Learn from my mistake. It will save you an untold amount of suffering. You don’t realize the catastrophic consequences of your decision to leave. It’s easy to do; I fell victim to that too. However, hindsight has prompted me to write this for your benefit. My bed is ready. I accept the lifelong consequences of my terrible decision so many years ago. However, I hope you will choose the opposite path. If this can help just one person avoid this dangerous condition, then my experience has not been in vain. Give yourself and your child a huge gift by choosing to be a part of his/her life. I can tell you from experience that you will regret not doing so.

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