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How Dog Poo Caught a Criminal
Scratch and Sniff, an animal shelter located in a small town in Iowa, is looking for a volunteer to care for the dogs and cats at their facility. Specifically, they wanted someone who would volunteer to pick up the dogs they were walking.
A man in his forties entered the shelter to volunteer for the position. His name was Kurt Bass who was a minor league pitcher for the local town. The director of the animal center thanked him profusely for volunteering and asked if he could start the same day.
Meanwhile, a violent criminal with over a hundred robberies, murders and money laundering on his record was being chased by seven police officers. A man called “Joe Manzini” drove an old Ford Dart at speeds of up to 95 mph. This “Enemy of the State No. 1” turned and turned to many humble places, but the policemen followed him. Finally, the man turned off a short road with many curves. But Manzini decided to hit the brakes and jump into the woods on his left.
Back at the shelter, Kurt was on “patrol”. He was instructed to wear latex gloves to pick up the items and place them in convenient garbage containers in the area.
A boy saw a local star gathering crowds and recognized him. He asked his mother if he could come out and meet him and she let him. When he met his “favorite player” he told him what a fan he was of his pitching skills. Asked why he left baseball to collect passes, he replied, “I wanted to do something else with my arm.”
Then the boy asked him why he couldn’t just throw things over the fence that was 12 feet high at the back of the area. Kurt said, “Well, they didn’t tell me not to.” The boy asked him if he could see him throw again. Kurt was thinking about showing him when he saw a mountain of it nearby. He said to the boy, “Don’t tell anyone I did this.”
So the former player took his position and threw the smelly stuff. It flew over the fence. The boy was amazed by it; he’s never seen dog poop fly.
When Joe ran out of the car into the woods, he saw a clearing that overlooked a high fence. He thought he had fooled the police, so he started to climb down to the fence, when a piece of doggie d.o.o. hit him, completely covering his face. He yelled and cursed as the smelly substance hit him hard.
The police saw his car, which was empty except for the left door which was open. As the officers gathered around the car, they heard someone swearing and shouting. They marched into the woods and saw Joe with feces covering his face. The officers were stunned to see their public enemy number one shouting four letter words alluding to the disorder on his face.
“What happened here?” the police captain asked the criminal. He told him the thing came out of nowhere and hit him in the face behind a 12-foot fence. An investigation has been launched into how the excrement flew over the fence. Of course, the person who threw the poo was local minor league baseball pitcher, Kurt Bass. Now he was a local hero.
After a week, reporters from major national newspapers wrote about this event. Some of the headlines included: “Greatest Outside Pitch in Little League History,” “Poo Throw Out of the Stadium,” “It Stinks to Be Public Enemy #1.” In an interview with Kurt on “Good Morning America” he was asked how he felt about his heroics. He replied, “It’s all about the wrist. Also, in his case, it’s not how you throw, but what you throw.”
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