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Bad News May Really Be Good News
Have you ever had something happen in your life that at first seemed like a terrible accident, but looking back you can see that it was actually a valuable experience that taught you something you should have learned? Sometimes events that seem or seem so dire at the moment turn out to give us inspiration or a new direction and focus.
A fable I read many years ago sums up my point perfectly:
The farmer had a horse, but one day the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields alone. Their neighbors said, “Oh, what bad luck your horse ran away!” But the farmer replied, “Bad luck, luck, who knows?”
The next week the horse returned to the farm, bringing with it a herd of wild horses. “What wonderful luck!” shouted the neighbors, but the peasant answered: “Good luck, bad, who knows?”
Then the farmer’s son was thrown while trying to ride one of the wild horses and broke his leg. “Ah, what bad luck,” the neighbors sympathized. Once again, the farmer replied, “Bad luck, luck, who knows?”
Not long after, the ruler of the land recruited all the young men to join his army for battle. The son stayed at home with a broken leg. “How fortunate that your son was not forced into battle!” neighbors celebrated. And the farmer remarked, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”
In my life, as a teenager and in my early twenties, I dabbled in drugs and alcohol and ended up broke, literally homeless and in trouble with the law. I had no hopes, dreams, or sense of direction in my life. I was completely lost, at a real crossroads and in immense pain. I felt there had to be something better than this. So I decided to choose something better for myself.
(Notice I didn’t know what to choose, but I knew what I didn’t want, which was my first step.)
The first thing I did was stop drinking and doing drugs, get a job and start looking for a way out, which was not easy for a 22-year-old. Man, did I feel sorry for myself. Looking back nearly 30 years later, what seemed like the end of the world was actually the beginning of a whole new life, one that I might never have found had I not crashed and burned at such a young age. I am now living a life I could never have imagined when I was 22 years old.
Finding opportunities within challenges
This morning I spoke with a dear friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer for the third time. She shared with me that both of the previous times she underwent cancer diagnosis and treatment, she learned incredible lessons along the way. Although she wouldn’t wish it on herself or anyone else, she can recognize the gifts her journey has brought her.
She continued that after the shock of the news that the cancer had returned, she realized. Although she doesn’t know if this third episode will be “her time” or not, she realizes that, in any case, she has some unfinished business to deal with with her two children. Although she would normally prefer to avoid this problem, she now feels that she has to deal with it. Through her terrible news, once again comes the urgency and courage to face her most difficult problems. She decided to be honest with her children and share what she knew in her heart needed to be said.
Successful people share with me, over and over again, similar stories of some perceived terrible event like divorce or illness or loss that dramatically changed the entire course of their lives. However, that change may have brought them to a place that is indescribably better than they could have ever imagined. If those supposedly terrible experiences hadn’t happened, they might not have found the determination to make other changes along the way.
I am not suggesting that there are no such things as tragedies or losses. What I am saying is that loss and pain can only be one aspect of a difficult experience; the positive can come from creating meaningful experiences from our challenges. For example, a mother who lost her child to a drunk driver founded Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD), an organization that has saved many lives. Helen Keller used her lack of sight or hearing to teach the rest of us important lessons about life. Nelson Mandela spent half his life in prison trying to bring peace to South Africa, but still emerged from his prison cell to lead his country as its first post-apartheid president.
The next time you perceive something as really bad, try and remember that it could also just be another gift in disguise. It’s all in the way you look.
“There are no mistakes, no coincidences; all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
“Every trouble contains an equal or greater benefit.” -Napoleon Hill
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