How Old Should A Boy Be Before He Start Dating Single Parents Seeking Love? This Dating Strategy is Good For Your Children and Dating Relationships

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Single Parents Seeking Love? This Dating Strategy is Good For Your Children and Dating Relationships

Are you a single parent looking for love? Do you know how to satisfy your children’s need for your attention along with your need to find love in a new relationship? You’ll soon learn a dating strategy that puts your kids’ needs first while also improving your dating relationships. Does it seem counter intuitive? I’ll explain why I resisted at first and how I came to realize that this dating strategy can be good for your kids and your love life.

A few months after my divorce, I met a wonderful man on a few casual dates when he asked me if he could meet my children. I thought they would like it, so I agreed. We met for dinner at an outdoor cafe on a warm summer evening. My early teenage son was friendly. His younger sister was silent, unless we pushed her to answer questions from my meeting. Then she was rude and completely different from herself. In a private moment, I asked my daughter what was wrong.

“I think he was mean to me in another life,” she said, as if that was the worst shortcoming she could think of.

Did she sabotage my first relationship after my divorce?

No chance. I could feel her pain. I knew she wasn’t ready to see me. I hugged her and decided it was time to adopt the dating strategy I learned in my divorce counseling.

A simple dating strategy for single parents:

Keep your dating life away from your kids. Do not allow your children to spend time with your partner, unless you plan to marry that person. That means no sleeping with your date when your kids are home. No exceptions. I felt like Ophelia had been banished to a nunnery when I first heard that advice. As a mother, I understood the reasoning behind it, before it was explained to me.

Why should we adopt this dating strategy?

Your children are adjusting to your divorce. They want and deserve your unconditional love and undivided attention, rather than sharing it with your partner. It wants you to have a peaceful relationship with their father. They can deal with him because they don’t live with him. Your home is a safe haven for you and your children. So be it.

As a responsible parent, our primary focus is to put our children’s needs first and help them flourish after a major change in our family unit. Does this mean the custodial parent should stop dating?

Absolutely not. Remember, the strategy is simply to protect your dating life from your kids. Here are a few reasons why this strategy can be good for your kids and your love life:

You’ll be encouraged to choose a date who understands and supports your dating boundaries and parenting goals. You will slowly build a new relationship, waiting to foresee a long-term future together before introducing this special friend to your children.

Until then, you’ll have an incentive to go on a night out with your partner, meet up at a motel, or have lunch at home while your kids are at school. This dating boundary can create a sense of intrigue in a short-term relationship, which can end if there are no shared interests or values ​​to bond you and your date after the intrigue wears off. Why is this good news for single parents?

You’ll be wise to move on from a short-term relationship with love lessons learned, without putting your kids in a position to bond with you and go through another breakup. You will be sure of long-term compatibility with your new partner before you let your children meet them.

Why do some single parents resist this advice?

They may want the pleasure of a regular overnight hookup with their date. They may want to enjoy cozy time at home or outings with a date and kids. They may not want to delay these family-oriented pleasures until they are in a serious, committed relationship. Are you thinking of other reasons for resistance?

What do family experts say to single parents who resist this dating strategy?

Parents are role models for children. Parents who have a series of short-term relationships in front of their children are most likely to raise children who will be sexually promiscuous at an early age. So said Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D., director of the Nightingale Counseling Center in Yorba Linda, California. In a recent article on the Third Age by Charles Downey, Ph.D. Nightingale concluded, “Modeling is the most powerful parenting tool known.”

Take a moment to ask yourself some questions:

What kind of role model are you? Do you put your children’s needs first?

Do you help them feel safe in all aspects of life after your divorce, even if that includes a peaceful, positive relationship with your ex-spouse or partner? If your children have lost a parent through death, do you help them grieve the lost love while seeing the love that remains?

Do you make sure your children don’t feel the need to compete with your partner for your attention? Do you see this as a small personal sacrifice that gives great gifts of confidence and trust to your children?

Do you see how this dating strategy might change once your kids start dating? Then you can show them how our dating choices can inspire happiness and well-being in us and our family.

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