How Tall Should Be A 3 Year Old Asian Boy Experiences From ‘The Flow’ (5) – The Stray

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Experiences From ‘The Flow’ (5) – The Stray

“She tolerated five years of infidelity, mental abuse and beatings; but the rape of her little sister was the last straw. She finally left him…and ended up in my house.”

“Prosperity: the eternal flow of all that is good in life…”

*The following is the fifth episode in a series of real-life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth can be the names of people and places.

– Open Day –

We (my “adopted” sister, her husband and I) have an “open house” policy.

If a friend falls on hard times and needs a place to stay, all he/she has to do is call or just stop by. In the past two years, we have received countless “strays” and helped them as much as we could.

Whether it was a battered wife, an abused girlfriend/boyfriend, an abandoned child or a delinquent adolescent; my home became the most popular refuge in our “Mubon” (Thai: village) and “Soi” (Thai: street), a warm and safe place to go when there were no other options.

Visitors stayed long enough to overcome their individual, temporary crisis – sometimes two weeks, sometimes two months. When they got back on their feet (emotionally, physically and financially), we said a warm goodbye; I wish them all the best for a better life.

Charity always returned – not in money, but in much-needed help.

As a phalanx in Thailand, the simplest things are frustratingly difficult to achieve. Many times, when I needed help with mundane but vital tasks (eg ordering food, buying a motorcycle, getting directions, traveling by taxi or bus, changing currency, etc.); I could rely on the people I had helped in the past.

Asians really have very long memories. It’s not uncommon to return to a place many years later and find that casual acquaintances still remember your name, the things you did, and the things you like or dislike.

– Number one –

Her name was Nueng (Thai: Number One). In any other country, she would be described as quite attractive: smooth, brown skin; slim, athletic figure; long, dark brown hair that flowed down her back, and an exotic face with a beautiful smile and attractive eyes.

But by Thai standards, she was “over the hill” at 24.

In her younger years (from 16 to 21 years old), she was considered quite beautiful and was the object of desire of all the villagers in her village. Unfortunately, she ended up with the local Bad Boy and spent most of her “beauty years” in an abusive relationship.

Out of personal pride and family/public pressure, Nueng stubbornly tolerated years of infidelity, lies and physical abuse from her longtime boyfriend. But the rape of her younger sister was the final straw. She finally left him…and ended up in my house through my sister.

– Who Nueng? –

Nueng arrived on Friday afternoon while I was still working. My sister had already asked me if it was okay for Nueng to stay with us, saying, “You met her last year at ‘Moo Kra Ta’ (Thai: BBQ, remember?”

I said, “No (I don’t remember), but if she needs a place to stay, yes, sure, that’s fine with me.”

When I saw Nueng, I immediately remembered who she was.

During a birthday party at a local Moo Kra Ta for a friend last year, Nueng and I met and chatted briefly. I also remember that the woman who accompanied me to the party was very jealous of Nueng – mainly because Nueng was, as the girl said, “too friendly” with me.

It also annoyed my partner that Nueng was not the usual Thai girl who was “terrified of speaking English” (especially to foreigners). On the contrary, Nueng was a good sport. She was not afraid to speak (and spoil) the English language. I responded with a proper banging of the Thai language, having a great time trying to make sounds that had no English counterpart! No exaggeration – sometimes I think it takes an extra tongue (or at least a spare epiglottis) to speak Thai!

I also remember telling my sister that Nueng reminded me of a girlfriend I had in Hawaii (years ago).

– That first night –

During the first night at my place, I could clearly see that Nueng was hurt. Being Thai, she forced a smile whenever I looked at her, but her eyes couldn’t hide her true feelings.

Her beautiful brown, Asian eyes showed a look of despair – that sad expression seen on people who have no one (and no place) to call their own. Of course, there were countless other reasons for her unhappiness (shock, anger, loss, grief, heartbreak, uncertainty – the list goes on and on).

Having recently gotten over a broken heart, I truly empathized with Nueng, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible – and failing at that. My clumsy attempts at hospitality only widened the cultural gap between us, reinforcing the fact that, yes, I am a “Falang” (Thai: foreigner) in Thailand.

Unfortunately, Phalanxes in Thailand do not have the greatest reputation for being reputable or reliable.

Since I couldn’t communicate well with Nueng, I could only imagine what she was going through. Maybe she was wrestling with the idea of ​​getting back at her abusive boyfriend? Statistics show that recidivism (repeating a bad habit or returning to an abusive situation) is high among abused girls and spouses. Deep down I hoped she would be strong enough to do what was best for her life (and safety).

– To sympathize or not to sympathize? –

I wanted to reach out to Nueng and tell her that things would only get better.

But I personally knew that during the period of shock and blues after a breakup, words don’t help much. Good people, kind actions, and a different supportive environment heal emotional wounds better than listening to cliché-sounding advice.

I wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk about her situation.

I wanted to tell her how deeply I understood what she was feeling right now. I wanted to tell her that abuse is not just a “women’s problem”, it happens to men too. If she had heard about my recent experiences dealing with my ex’s infidelity, lies, psychological abuse, financial recklessness and eventual breakup, would that have helped?

Maybe it would push her deeper into grief? Was it the right moment, or even the right topic to talk about? To sympathize or not to sympathize – that was the question.

Using my bilingual sister as a translator, I told Nueng to relax and make herself at home.

“You can stay as long as you need,” I said.

“Kop khun kaa, Khun JC, kop khun kaa maak (Thank you, Mr. JC, thank you very much.),” she said with a respectful “Wai” (a Thai gesture made by joining hands, similar to a prayer and touching the chin with the thumbs). .

“If you want to stay here, you gotta call me just ole’ JC No ‘Mr.’ please. It makes me feel a lot older than I am,” I said.

After the translation, Nueng’s face lit up with a bright smile.

Then I heard her laugh for the first time since she arrived. It was a wonderful sound…

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