How To Deal With A Defiant 9 Year Old Boy Parenting In The 21st Century

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Parenting In The 21st Century

The liberal standard of today’s society with its radical change in values, attitudes and lifestyles has forced both parents and children to float in a sea of ​​uncertainty. Constant exposure to consumerism, violence, promiscuity, sexual preferences and pedophilia through audiovisual media has a confusing effect on minds that can be experienced. Erosion of authority, fractured families, broken marriages and unsafe neighborhoods are causing an increase in mental and behavioral disorders, suicide, drug and alcohol addiction.

“Things are happening to our children that should never be allowed to happen,” said Margaret Mead.

Today’s Children:

In previous generations, childhood was simply a confident journey to adulthood. Children had opportunities to play, dream and have healthy recreation.

Today, they grow up without childhood. Many infants are left in day care centers either because the mothers work or are not inclined to be burdened with baby care.

Then, from preschool days onwards, children’s lives are directed into a rigid routine of schools, competitions, school fees and other activities. Even the game time is structured so that the primary goal is to win. As a result, children become self-absorbed and do not learn to be team players, nor do they learn how to win or lose gracefully. Sport becomes a time of enormous pressure, even violence.

The number of children with both parents at work is growing. Every evening, children return to empty homes, alone and unattended for a long time. The TV or computer becomes their close companion. There are homes where children cannot see their fathers, because they go to school early in the morning before their fathers wake up, and are fast asleep at night long before their fathers return from work. The story is told about a busy CEO of a company, who was surprised to see that his son had made an appointment with him.

“Hello son,” he said, “is there anything important you wanted to discuss with me?”

“No dad,” said the boy, “I just wanted to spend some time with you because I never see you.”

Many children left with guardians are sexually abused. In 80% of cases, abusers are family members or close friends. Children are vulnerable. They trust implicitly, especially when they are bribed with chocolates or sweets. Many times they are threatened with physical harm if they dare to complain to their parents.

Children mature quickly and reach puberty earlier than before. Girls mature already at the age of 8-9. The surge of hormones during puberty has its dangers. The urge to experiment is getting stronger. Although they may be physically mature, they are emotionally immature and do not know how to deal with their feelings. This makes them vulnerable to abuse.

Modern Parents:

Many parents feel inadequate and are ready to give up responsibility. Some believe that teachers and the education system are responsible for shaping the character of their children. Others expect the Church or religious organizations to instill morality in them.

Parents sometimes want to live vicariously through their children. They set unrealistic goals in studies or sports, which children may not be able to achieve. Constant complaining breeds frustration and loss of self-worth or a tendency to rebel. Parents need to understand that setbacks and failures are learning experiences. They make children determined to try again.

Over-protection and over-indulgence stifles spontaneity and innovation. The child must learn social skills and how to develop interpersonal relationships. He must learn to take care of himself instead of being pampered. An overprotected child will always want someone to protect him. His tolerance and frustration level will be very low.

Many working parents experience guilt. To compensate, children are showered with expensive gifts, money or toys. Someone said, “Many children have so much done for them that they miss the opportunity to become competent.”

Such parents also turn a blind eye to their children’s misdeeds.

Material gifts must not be a substitute for personal involvement in their lives.

How to be a successful parent in the 21st century:

• Effective parenting. This is not some inherited skill. It is a process of learning and development. It calls for lifelong patience, self-discipline, endurance and faith for difficult days. There will be episodes of discouragement bordering on despair. Faith in a loving and caring God who gives strength makes the journey easier.

• Building a strong and balanced family environment. Houses are not places without problems. Even the best families cannot live in perfect harmony. There are tensions and stresses. Parents should show wisdom in diffusing these tensions in a spirit of love and affection. The concept of dependence – interdependence – independence must be woven into the fabric of family life. Children should be given the feeling that they are valuable members of the family. Those who are nurtured in love and affection grow up to be responsible and resilient human beings. Parents should be quick to compliment and slow to criticize. They should ask themselves every day, “Did I hug my child today?” It can be a literal hug, a smile, a kiss or a pat on the back. There should be no hesitation in showing affection. The child who is the hardest to hug may need the most hugs. A child who is convinced of his parents’ love will always treat ‘home’ as a shelter in times of storm, be it emotional, physical or spiritual. They will know where to find understanding and empathy.

• Discipline. There must be clearly marked boundaries of behavior in every home. The child should be aware that he cannot fight against parental authority. Parents should not kneel for defiant behavior. This will give children the idea that they can be manipulated. Consistent discipline will earn respect, because children want their parents to lead. However, if a parent has treated their child unfairly, they must apologize quickly. The book of Hebrews says that disciplining children is an essential part of fatherhood. If he does not correct his child, he treats him as an illegitimate son. Parents must lead by example. They are role models. A child learns by imitation. Everything he sees, hears and understands has an impact on his emotional growth. Incorrect and inconsistent discipline is confusing. When a sentence is imposed, it should be specific to a specific crime. This will register in the child’s mind as unacceptable behavior. Similarly, good behavior must be rewarded, achievements should be praised, and the child should never be ridiculed in the presence of others.

Discipline should include training to respect the feelings of others, to deal with the hurt that arises, to take responsibility for the consequences of one’s actions. Facing and learning to solve problems is vital to growth. He must understand that failure and success are two sides of the same coin.

Parental authority does not mean oppression or inappropriate displays of anger. This should not break the spirit of the child, but should shape his character, so that he submits to loving authority, learns to respect those around him and imbibe moral values.

• Listening skills need to be honed. Questions should be answered honestly. Listening is an act of love. It includes caring and empathy. A parent who listens understands, enjoys and learns more about the child. It also creates confidence and security in the child. Parents should be grateful and positive in their attitudes.

• The emotional needs of the child should be given priority. Emotions affect every part of his life. He should be encouraged to express his feelings without fear or shame. His emotions should not be trivialized. Such a child will not only be emotionally secure but will also learn to respect the emotions of others. The ultimate goal is to help the child live and function independently. A child is a whole person with physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs. He needs parents who know him closely and who treat him as a person. He must be sure that his parents’ love is unconditional.

• Sexual education. Sexual awareness is a sign of transition from childhood to adulthood. Audiovisual media is quite explicit about sex. The sexualization of children begins very early, so that even at the age of five some children think of themselves as sexual beings. Young children are dressed in sexually suggestive clothing. Behavioral patterns treat sex as a recreational activity like any other game. One young high school student said, “It’s a physiological need. Satisfy your hunger with a hamburger. Satisfy sex with a girl who wants it.”

The transition between childhood and adulthood is a turbulent period marked by restlessness and the desire to live life on its own terms. Many parents are uncomfortable talking about such a delicate subject as sex. But they must not allow their children to turn to their peers or ‘moral terrorists’ on TV or the Internet, or through personal experimentation. Parental responsibility in the education of their children cannot be avoided. Regardless of what they see in today’s liberal society, children should be taught about the relational aspects of sex in the context of marriage. The quality of the relationship is what gives meaning to the sexual act – a way of communicating love, tenderness, care and commitment.

Questions about sex should be answered honestly in accordance with the child’s age and understanding. At no point should it be concluded that sex is sinful, but its place in the context of marriage must be emphasized.

It should explain the dangers of indiscriminate sex that leads to disease, illness, unwanted pregnancies and covert abortions. They should understand that wrong behavior leads to emotional pain and guilt.

The responsibility of parenting in the 21st century is enormous. There is no substitute for parental love and guidance. A mother who lost her 15-year-old son advises, “Embrace them with a little extra rapture and a keener awareness of joy.”

As the book of Proverbs advises, “Raise a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will never depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

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