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The Shattered Dreams of Divorce
The two hardest things about parenting going through or going through divorce are: 1) When you get married, you think you have a loving partner, best friend, and soulmate to raise your family with for the rest of your life. life… and then one day your dream just disappears; and 2) Realizing the potential lifelong emotional and psychological impact on your children without knowing what to do about it.
Have you signed up for the emotional pain of divorce? Frustration, hurt, sadness, anger, anxiety, loss of trust, loss of sense of family, grief, worry for your children?
Of course not! The emotional pain is overwhelming and crippling, and the impact on your children can be devastating.
Divorce is a difficult process, even if your separation is amicable.
The assumption that many individuals have when divorcing is that their partner will actually be reasonable and that they will be able to work together to avoid the financial and emotional impact on them, their children, and the entire family.
One of the most tragic ironies of divorce is that trust and integrity are often replaced by anger, resentment, anxiety, and spite. It is human nature to get back at someone who has hurt you.
The tragedy of this subconscious determination is that the main people being hurt are you and your children.
So how do you consciously change things to have a more beneficial impact?
Since the 1990s, the divorce rate has been increasing at an alarming rate. Among adults over 50, the divorce rate has doubled. (according to statistics from the National Center for Health Statistics and the US Census Bureau).
Why is the divorce rate skyrocketing?
I believe the reasons are a combination of childhood conditioning, lack of awareness and self-centeredness.
I’m not sure when things started to change for my ex and I from the dream of being lifelong partners, but WOW, things changed…quickly and dramatically!
We began to be together less and less, communication became minimal. We stopped doing things for each other.
We booked a family trip with our three-year-old daughter, hoping the situation would improve.
Upon returning home, we immediately fell into an even darker abyss. Not long after, my ex told me to move out of the house.
I was in complete shock! However, I was so fed up with the way things were between us that I said “okay!”. I moved away, never to return “home”.
I was surprised when a few months later my ex told me that she hoped I would fight for her, to be together. I was amazed that they would play games during such a challenging and difficult time for us and our daughter.
Reflecting on this time, I realized not only did I not want to get back together, but I had NO IDEA how to navigate what would be a truly bumpy and rocky road to divorce. Neither did the ex.
The day I committed to stop reacting with anger and to remain calm no matter what, was the day things started to change.
I began to maintain more control over my own reactive emotions. At first, I had no idea that by changing my behavior, my ex would change hers over the next few months.
We certainly weren’t perfect, but we definitely made some big improvements.
The most favorable effect was on our almost 4-year-old, now 23-year-old daughter.
I am grateful to God, my ex and myself that our daughter turned out so well in spite of the two of us. The lessons I learned from the endless challenges of our divorce situation have had a huge impact on my life.
For me, the change began when I realized that I did NOT want to continue down the same dark path and I knew that I had to gain clarity about what I really wanted for my daughter.
This in turn made me realize the importance of forgiving myself, first and foremost. It helped me release the dark emotions that were consuming me and channel my energy into my commitment to staying calm.
What can you do to learn how to let go of dark emotions?
Learning from someone who has been where you are and not only survived, but thrived, is the best way to save time, avoid additional pain and injury, and understand how to create the change you really want for your children’s well-being.
My wife, Laurie, and I have been through the pain, agony, and challenges of divorce. We worked with counselors and coaches, read books, wrote journals, deepened our faith and worked alone.
We created the EX-Factor brand and philosophy for the children of divorce… and for you as their parent.
Our sincere mission is to help loving parents like you learn how to release anger, frustration, regret, resentment…and to heal grief…so that you can move forward with the understanding that everything you say and do as a parent teaches and influences your children. Once you get clarity on what you want for your children, you can map out a plan to actually make it happen.
My book “Split Harmony: Transform the EX-Factor from Chaos to Compassion” led to our design and creation of “The Creating A Harmonious Split Master Course”.
The course is an online video course that takes you step-by-step through four proven, life-based principles to create a more harmonious shared environment between you and your ex for the sake of your children, the innocent victims of divorce.
Master course for creating a harmonious Split
Apply now and feel the difference tomorrow!
(Go to author resources box to access)
STOP the unbearable emotional pain!
STOP the financial drain of divorce attorney legal fees!
Step up and put your kids first!
Let go and take control… of yourself and the underlying dynamic between you and your ex.
There is light at the end of the tunnel…
With sincere sympathy,
Peter and Laurie Hobler
Our mission: to help divorced parents create an environment of shared harmony for the benefit of their children.
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