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Earning Your Grandparents Rights
Don’t look at the United States Constitution, there are no grandparent rights clauses. You can look into your state laws, but what you will find is that every state has some semblance of a grandparent’s bill of rights, however, every state law is different, they are not deeply rooted in precedent and the burden of proof rests entirely on the grandparents and grandfather The Supreme Court ruled in June 2000, Troxel v. Granville Washington State, that in an effort to protect the best interests of the child, as well as the rights of the parents (protected by the 1st, 5th, 9th, and 14th constitutional amendments), the grandparent must show that the grandchild will be damaged if he is not visited by his grandparents. This is a really high legal bar to overcome. Things are further complicated by the fact that the laws that apply in most cases are the laws of the state where the grandchild lives. Another bombshell is that if a grandchild is adopted, in most cases the rights of the grandparents effectively end. Wow, what trouble!
what to do? I return to the title of this article.
If you’re looking for a silver bullet or guarantees, you’ll need to take a strong magnifying glass and read the words etched on the back at the base of the unicorn’s horn. There is no easy solution to grandparent rights for many reasons. When trying to present a viable solution to this question, I go back to an early college logic lesson to illustrate how complex the answer is. It’s called the IF/THEN syllogism: IF life is complicated (and it is) and family is complicated (and it is, exponentially) THEN family life is really, really complicated. Now try to write laws that will fairly cover all circumstances for three generations of a family in today’s society.
Please do not make the mistake of thinking that I am taking a very serious subject lightly. Not all. I just want to set the stage for the reality of the moment as it relates to this topic of grandparent rights that is very near and dear to this proud grandfather of six wonderful grandchildren. I wish I had a message of fairness and simplicity, but wishful thinking doesn’t make it so.
When I began to study this subject a few years ago, admittedly, I came at it from the point of view of purely personal interest. As I delved into legal reports, case studies, reports on grandparent organizations, legislative actions, and real-life stories of grandparents struggling to maintain a bond with their grandchildren, I was torn between sadness, anger, hope, admiration, gratitude and enlightenment.
As a result, I have come to the conclusion that the answer is simple (the best interest of the child is paramount), but it is anything but easy. The answer cannot be legislated, but must be protected by every word of the law. The answer will not be the product of one person’s thinking. The best interest of the child must be the product of all involved. The best interest of the child will require cooperation rather than division at a very difficult time for the family unit.
A grandchild’s best interests will sometimes require that a grandparent suspend judgment, withhold opinionated comments, support parental wishes with which they may disagree, and be present for their grandchild with all their might. I am reminded of a question that a friend who was older and wiser than me asked me. He asked “How much are you willing to pay to be right?”. Keep this in mind at all times when it comes to your grandchildren and their parents. Do everything in your power to work with your parents to ensure that your grandchildren’s best interests are in your best interest, and you will have a much better chance of achieving your grandparent’s rights. Here it is, the answer to the question “What should I do?” Be a caring grandparent with your grandchild’s best interests always front and center.
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