How To Make A 15 Year Old Boy Like You Forgiveness Is More Than Just Words, It’s a Process

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Forgiveness Is More Than Just Words, It’s a Process

How often have we heard, “Just forgive her.” Like it’s just something we can do automatically, like turning on a light switch. If it really was that easy, we’d probably just do it. However, it is not. Forgiveness is a process.

Many religions dictate that it is necessary to forgive in order to be considered a good person. Insisting that we can reduce our anger or resentment by forgiving others. Some religions, and maybe even some people we know, can use forgiveness as a weapon to guilt us into forgiveness. Holding onto that denial of forgiveness makes us a bad person or that we may never heal emotionally. The reality is that in order to forgive, we must first work through our feelings. And whether we are able to forgive or not does not determine what kind of person we are.

Forgiveness is not always easy

Therefore, many of us spiritual beings also want to be able to forgive, but sometimes it is not so easy. There is a certain peace that comes with forgiveness. A relief from a burden and often a gift of serenity.

Certainly, there are some things that are easier to forgive than others:

• Harsh words that a friend or loved one said in anger and now regret.

• Emotional wounds that have long since faded and healed over time.

• Repair a relationship that is worth more than the anger that broke it.

We may even have to forgive ourselves for some things:

• Past mistakes

• Opportunities you would like to take earlier in life.

• Things you didn’t say until it was too late.

The benefits of forgiveness

From my perspective, forgiveness may be something we really want to do but struggle with. But if we feel like it’s in our best interest to do so, then eventually we’ll hopefully take steps to work through the feelings that stand in the way of forgiving.

When we say or hear, “I forgive you, but I will never forget.” It generally means that we haven’t really forgiven. There is still a level of anger or resentment that we experience that needs to be worked through. Saying it isn’t necessarily feeling it.

Although some believe that forgiveness for its own sake is selfish, I see it differently. I see it as self-care. The person who wronged us may not even have the self-awareness to realize that we are still suffering from the wrongdoing. For it to be true forgiveness, it has to be about taking care of ourselves and not carrying around the anger, resentment, and hurt that can eat us alive from the inside.

Steven McDonald was a New York police officer. Despite being shot by a 15-year-old boy in 1986, which drastically changed his life and left him a quadriplegic, he forgave the boy who shot him. He then spent his life traveling the world speaking about forgiveness and peace. His speeches inspired love, respect and forgiveness.

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