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Six Reasons Guys Stay With The Wrong Woman Instead Of Breaking Up
By now you know we talk a lot here about deserving what we want. By definition, this means becoming a kind person who can attract the MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) that we dream about. But more importantly, it ALSO means that we must know how to RECOGNIZE the great ones and ELIMINATE the wrong ones from our lives. Then, and ONLY then, do we have a clear chance of entering that magical realm affectionately known as “total control over one’s dating life.”
Once we get over our personal self-esteem issues (eg, “Great women? That’s for other guys…they’ll never want me.”) and/or outright laziness, it’s time to take stock of the kind of women guys have been calling out to us. into our lives. As you’ve heard me say before, too many guys find themselves in a position where they wake up one day and find themselves married to a woman they didn’t CHOOSE.
How on earth does that happen? Well, it all starts when they hook up with someone out of sheer convenience or even coincidence who likes them. But what keeps it going is the simple truth that even when a guy finds himself in such a mediocre situation, he still doesn’t end things…at least not fast enough.
Below are six lame (but unfortunately very common) excuses we guys use to trick ourselves into staying in relationships that are far from fulfilling. And really all we’re talking about today is equal opportunity, so all ladies listen up. By the way-FAIR WARNING-I’m about to put it on the line in a completely blunt way, so brace yourself.
1) “But the sex is pretty good”
Boy, if this isn’t the battle cry of a desperate sex-focused man. The sneaky thought is that if the breakup happens, he won’t “get anything”…perhaps for a LONG time.
This is not only short-sighted, but completely lacking in vision. Often, the same guys who find “sexual diversity” an exciting thought are the very ones who stay with the same woman only because their sex life might suffer if they don’t. Not sure if this is “oxymoronic” or just “moronic”. But such are the tricks the male mind can perform when the focus is only on sex.
I don’t care who the woman is, after you’ve had sex with her a few times, you’ll know your way around and you’ll need something much deeper to sustain a relationship. Need proof? Okay, for all you “one handed web surfers” out there, find the hottest hottie on the internet you can find. Get all the video clips and pictures you can handle. How long until you get bored and looking for the next one? I’ll give you fifteen minutes… at the most. Real life is no different. If it’s all about sex, your priorities are messed up.
By the way, there is another angle to this. If you’re staying with a woman because the sex is especially good, I have news for you. Women tend to respond to male leadership in the bedroom. Great sex starts with YOU. When you succeed in igniting a woman’s passion, you will see that women respond. On the other hand, if you’re a “sex-focused, desperate man,” as mentioned, you really do make sense to believe that you “got lucky” if the woman you’re currently with is sexually exciting.
2) “But she’s the hottest person I’ve ever been with”
This concept follows the one above very closely. When a guy who’s used to dating mediocre women finds himself with someone particularly hot, it’s disarming to simply fall into the trap of believing that he’ll never in a million years be able to get that lucky again.
Now, when a woman realizes this, one of three things can happen. First, his insecurities will lead her to realize she’s out of his league and the breakup will take care of itself…courtesy of her. Second, she can be a remarkable woman with a versatile character that matches her outer beauty and makes everyone happy – and rightly so. BUT…she might also opportunistically proceed to take full advantage of the situation and drive the guy into oblivion. This third situation interests me the most for now.
What’s the cure for letting go of the hottest woman you’ve ever been with when you know she’s toxic? Easy. If you can do it once, you can do it again. How’s that for a straightforward answer? It’s all a matter of personal trust. It’s no accident that you attracted her enough to be with you. Other women will feel the same way…and if you continue to build your masculinity and confidence level, you’ll find that you can even raise the bar. I’ve lost count of the number of guys I know who finally cut the wrong (but hot) woman out of their lives only to shoot themselves in the head sooner rather than later for not doing it months (or even years) earlier.
3) “I don’t want to make her cry… I’d feel like a bad guy”
Granted, most men don’t like to make women cry. And it’s not even that women are “emotional manipulators” most of the time. We as guys do this to ourselves, simply because we want to avoid something that is unpleasant and that might cause some guilt. The truth is that if a breakup must happen, delaying the distressing moment only increases the potential agony later. Imagine the tears if you go to divorce court a few years from now…with small children in the balance.
4) “Aw man… I’d have to start all over again”
Okay, there may indeed be some uncertainty involved here. But in fact, this is usually about complete laziness. Even if the relationship doesn’t live up to expectations, it’s often just COMFORTABLE to stay. Otherwise, the guy has to go out and meet another woman, go through the whole “meeting” process, meet his parents again, build another whole history, etc.
And why would it all sound like a chore as opposed to something that’s actually exciting? Truth be told, staying in stale relationships in these cases can literally be a matter of continuing to wake up doing exactly what happened yesterday, rather than TAKING ACTION. That’s right…pure PROCRASTINATION.
Not surprisingly, many guys say they feel like a “weight has been lifted off their shoulders” when they finally make the right call in these situations and end things. Go figure it out.
By the way, most people who deserve what they want take a lot less time to make a real, valid connection with someone new than they think. I met someone online in person in the morning, went for coffee in the afternoon and soon shared a mutual feeling of “knowing each other for ten years”. Knowing that it’s a fully replicable scenario can save you from having to “start over”, eh?
5) “It’s just a phase…We’ll figure it out and get through it”
Also known as “disclaimer”. So you think the inability to get along, be sexually compatible, and/or share a common core belief system will “change over time”? You are fooling yourself. And you’re in particularly deep trouble if she tells you that “giving birth” will “bring you together”.
Don’t yell at me for telling the truth. It never ceases to amaze me how many times in public I can meet couples who can’t stand each other…and they aren’t even married.
6) “She just has this way of talking me out of it”
Let me tell you, some women are world sales experts. Their determination is sometimes impressive. Impressive enough to keep her around, maybe even after you’ve openly expressed your desire to move on. This can be represented through such classic statements as, “I just haven’t been myself lately…give me a chance,” “How can you throw away something this GOOD?”, and “You just don’t know what else I want – you soon will.” to wake up and see how great I am to you.”
Of course, there’s also my personal least favorite, the infamous “What? Do you think you’ll EVER find someone else as good as me?”. Yes Yes. See #2 above. It is manipulation at its worst.
For all six examples above, a second sense common to each usually applies. It’s the whole notion of, “Hey, there’s always someone worse off than me, right?” This is not the frame of mind of someone who thinks they deserve what they want, is it?
The bottom line is this: He (or she) who stays with someone long after a breakup probably should have gotten divorced.
And “reconciliation” always leads to bitterness. The one who thinks he could have done “better” has his nose pressed against the glass and is looking at the “greener grass” elsewhere…probably feeling nauseous all the while. But what about the person who is “inhabited”? Does he or she revolve around their own happiness? Not in your life…feeling unwanted by your “significant other” is one of the most empty, humiliating and degrading feelings you can imagine.
The truth is EVERYONE SUFFERES when people settle.
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