How To Talk To 11 Year Old Boy About Puberty The 4G Boy-Girl Relationships

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The 4G Boy-Girl Relationships

Most boys and girls enter puberty around the age 11-12! Within a couple of years, they become capable of having a physical relationship. But our religious and social norms do not permit sex before they are married. I am sure most people reading this article are adults and are aware that controlling physical desire for a long period of time is next to impossible. I talk to a lot of parents and they are all worried sick about the future of their off spring especially in case it is a girl here in India. Lots of parents have given up and are asking their children to have at least a safe relationship. This is one of the major worries in the minds of parents and it is very rarely discussed publicly.

There is a basic problem with the idea of sex education. The earlier attempts at sex education were limited to the teachers explaining scientific details of having an intercourse. That is really beside the point in my opinion. Any smart kid can find out that from talking to a friend or by reading. What they need to be told are the social and physical implications of the act and hope for the best really. In India, the age for marriage for a girl is 18 and a boy is 21. I hail from a different generation and was told that the ideal age for marriage is 25 for boys and 21 for girls. But there are many families in India who wed their girl child around the age of 15. They are mostly not aware of the law. But even if they were to be, it will not make much difference. The reason behind this is more social in most cases. The society has failed miserably to make the parents of girl children feel safe about the future of their daughter. The lower income class is the victim in these situations. What can be looked upon as stupidity of teenagers can be a huge turning point in the girl’s future.

But what can anyone do to stop the short-lived or one-time physical relationships? The truth is nothing except hope unless you wish to go back to the days of kings and queens. Well here are some things you can try and explain to your offspring:

1. A typical teenager boy’s or a girl’s body takes between 6 to 10 years to fully develop. They are not mature during this period and their likes and dislikes change. Explain this to them saying your choice of partner might change within the period. The things you liked in a person will change over the years so committing this early may be a mistake. It is advisable to wait till you grow up fully to commit to a long engagement. It is like not eating before your full dinner is ready. It spoils the appetite.

2. Youngsters are generally bad at assessing potential threats. So resisting temptation is very difficult for most young men. They are prone to taking undue risks without considering the consequences. An early commitment will make them consider the idea of sexual intercourse experimentation. It is not just the desire alone but lack of experience which forces youngsters to fall victim to it. It takes time to get used to the newly found ability.

3. Most youngsters are not in a position to take responsibility for the relationship. Sometimes it may be a good idea to make it clear to them. A child out of such relationship will be so difficult to raise as the parents themselves are kids. The financial dependence on the parents is not going to allow the kids to support their spouse for a period of time. And by the time they are independent, the best years of their lives maybe gone.

4. Being able to distinguish between infatuation and real love takes maturity. It is a fact that most teenage romances don’t last. The rush of hormones is misconstrued as love. If it was a true love it never fails or dies out over time. So no problem in waiting till you are mature enough, right?

Generally, parents are closest to the young people up to a certain age but the sweet youngsters turn into rebels when they are teenagers and the tendency is to not listen to a sound advice from a sensible parent. This is where a good old faith in “Mom or Daddy knows the best” would be very handy indeed.

Of course, all this is assuming that a physical relationship as a teenager is not good. If you become a man or a woman at the age of 12 what are you supposed to do till you are married at 25? A very fundamental question and I honestly do not know the answer. An early marriage maybe at 21 years for boys and 18 for girls? I don’t know. There are a plethora of youngsters who will object to this. They will say they are not ready at that age because they have hardly finished their education let alone earning enough to support their new family. Or we make some social adjustments and accept premarital relationships? Well, I am pretty much certain that we are not ready for the second solution. An early marriage, why not? A marriage at an early age does not have to be too much responsibility alone, it could be fun with a partner as young as you are and one may share some common likes and dislikes. It could be a lot of gratification as well.

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