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Debunking the Myth of Casual Sex and "Self-Love"
Many of us often hear clichéd phrases like “Love yourself” or “Live your best life,” but what if these quotes encourage our narcissism instead of helping us truly deal with our traumas? To answer this, we need to ask ourselves, “What is the difference between ‘love’ and ‘respect.'” Is self-love about being selfish or engaging in pleasurable behavior, or is self-love actually about setting boundaries and respecting your own sanity? ?In today’s dating culture, we often find ourselves confused and confused in what seems like a cycle of…
“Talk. Spend time together. Develop attachment. Engage in physical actions (kissing, hugging, sex, etc.), spend more time together. Distance. Coldness. Break up.”
Why is this pattern so common in today’s world? Is it because we have seemingly unlimited online dating options and have “fear of missing out” syndrome? Is it because divorce is so common now that we no longer believe in love? Does it stem from a childhood memory of your parents fighting? Is it because of the growing trend of atheism and seeing oneself as “all-knowing” and the ultimate arbiter of morality? Is the narcissism being promoted today as everyone obsesses over how many likes, follows and attention they get on their totum-pole of self-adoration? Are people more concerned about their “social credit” and hyper-competitive with showing off their career rewards while seeing family responsibilities and relationships as a burden? Is the legal system when it encouraged the behavior of single parents through welfare, alimony and expensive lawyers?
The answer is all of the above! There is an all-out war and attack on the virtues of marriage, family, and the character trait of “modesty.” Modesty ruled our society only a generation or two ago. Elaborate clothing, swearing in public, showing off tattoos, professional boxers “selling” the fight by engaging in brawls,…these things were unacceptable before the 1960s. This decade is known as the age of “free love”, the “hippie” age, as society sought to throw off the shackles of conservatism. Divorce is destigmatized. Interracial relations. Accidental drug use. and so on.
Some good came from the liberalization of the United States after the 1960s. Women had the opportunity to earn their own income and be financially independent. People with addictions and other social inconveniences are now treated with more dignity and less stigma. The fight against racism and acceptance of lesser-known religions has become more acceptable. Casual sex has been renamed “free love”. Recreational drug use has become popular and greatly encouraged. However, were there any negatives? What if the pendulum swings too far in one direction? Is conservatism a way of controlling people or does it offer some protection?
Fast forward to 2021. Toleration of drug use, divorce, women mocking stay-at-home moms, dating apps designed for casual sex, record numbers of Xanax and casual drug use… these are now our “norms”. A woman who chooses to stay at home as a housewife is now seen as something a career woman would scoff at. The atheist calls the believer “stupid” or “unscientific”. Not having tattoos makes you “boring”. If you’ve only had one sexual partner your whole life, people now say — “You’ve got to live life and see what’s out there!”
But what if there are advantages to having children stay at home as a parent? What if the Bible is correct when it warns about sex outside of marriage? What are the disadvantages of casual sex? Is it really “loving yourself” to show off on social media, and is there anything casual about rubbing your genitals against another person’s reproductive organs? When a person has sex, Dopamine (pleasure hormone) and Oxytocin (Bonding hormone) spiked in our brains. Our bodies and souls are preparing for union. After performing such an act, if one party suddenly disappears or leaves, the soul and mind are left in a state of shock and confusion. If this happens too many times, the person may become unable to trust these emotions and lose the ability to “match” with their spouse.
Let’s compare it to the thirsty man in the desert.——–
He is dying of thirst and suddenly he sees a lake full of fresh water. He runs towards it with much joy and excitement in his heart, only to find that it was a mirage! His heart is broken and his will to live is fading. Every time he sees water in the future, he guesses whether it is real or not.
That’s what casual sex does to us. She treats the sacred union like eating a hamburger, going to the bathroom to relieve herself, or worse, a big social lie that destroys our faith in each other. There is NOTHING casual about sex. Going for a walk is unusual. Talking about the weather is unusual. But sex is most definitely NOT.
We are tricked into believing that careers, social media followers, and going on exotic trips will cure our minds of the discontent or existential crisis of our imminent death. But I tell you, friends, it won’t. As King Solomon, the richest man in his kingdom who had over 700 wives, wrote in his famous dying confession in the Book of Ecclesiastes, found in the Holy Bible, to paraphrase his words…
“Vanity, vanity, all is vanity! Like chasing the wind.”
True joy comes from commitment to things that bear fruit or bring about lasting change, most importantly, commitment to God or your chosen higher power. Family is close. Careers can come and go. Beauty fades. Muscles degenerate as we age. But our faith in God and our obligations to friends and family can see us through the darkest times. This microwave society of instant gratification and grandiose beliefs that our own understanding is superior to God’s leaves us broken, empty, alone and unable to bring ourselves into a state of humility and readiness to receive wisdom.
“A wise man thinks himself a fool. A fool thinks he is wise.” – William Shakespeare
So what are the signs of a person who has been brainwashed by worldly desires and a culture of hedonism? How do you deal with a date who suddenly stops responding to your text messages and may have made you their second choice? How do we know when love is real or the object of desire sees you as a plaything? To quote myself in a previous post—-
“Love is like a relay race. Everyone is chasing someone. But to win the race, the thing you are chasing must turn around and acknowledge you. Love what loves you back! Constantly canceling meetings, leaving your messages to be read, not publicly admitting your relationship… these are signs that you are chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught! The race of love is won when no one runs but you join together. When love is real, you won’t have to reach for it, but like a net, it will be there to catch you when you fall. Like a ray of sunshine on a cold day, it will seem to warm you. If you’re tired of running, maybe it’s time to rest. Because if the thing you want truly loves you, it too will stop running and head back to you! Most people run away from good girls/guys and go for so called true love and commitment offered by a better man/girl.Bad boy/girl will never work for long-term and therefore your fear of commitment never gets resolved and you stay in your separate zone comfort! If marriage is not the ultimate goal, then don’t “have fun.” ate”, you’re just engaging in whoredom. “Dating” is a selection/courting process, not “casual sex”. Time is very limited in this human life. Don’t waste a second on a relationship that will never bear fruit!!! Think 10 years from now, not 10 minutes. If you’ve been dating someone for a year and the topic of marriage never comes up once, move on! You are just their toy. ” –
When looking for a potential mate, consider their physical attractiveness, but don’t make it your primary or only criteria. If you really want a long-term life partner, ask questions about “values” such as religious, political, and philosophical values. See how they interact with their parents. See how they treat the waiter, the bus driver or those around them in public places. Ask them about their hobbies and life goals. Do they consider themselves more or others? Are their goals noble or selfish?
Although it is impossible to find someone exactly like us, which would actually be quite boring and harmful because sometimes it is good to learn from those who think differently than us, having more in common and more common values increases the chances of your relationship being successful.
We base too many relationships on fun, sex and temporary pleasures instead of shared values. Unfortunately, many children are unfairly born from these fruitless relationships, resulting in an entire generation being born to parents without empathy or lasting spiritual connections. What chance do they have with such an example? Stable marriages on the foundations of society. Without a strong father and a caring wife, a child cannot properly learn about the Yin and Yang of his heart.
The Hedonistic Ways of the Roman Empire, “Western culture” has been promoting hedonism since the days of Christ, and now it’s in full force thanks to social media advertising its lifestyle. But I tell you, DROP ROME and embrace the ways of the great spiritual leaders who created the moral scaffolding for our society.
Yeshua (Jesus Christ), Buddha, Confucius… these leaders used the law of conscious morality written on our hearts by God Almighty and turned them into codified legal systems. We have broken the law (commandments) and live in a society that is the result. The fruit of hedonism is the society we see today. Record divorces, incarcerations, addiction, gender dysphoria, increased suicides, hopelessness, fatherless homes and a sense of nihilism or meaninglessness of life.
First, return to your creator and his natural remedy of family and commitment to “service before self.” I will share with you some Bible verses and quotes from spiritual leaders that you can intercede for. Even if you are not a believer, these verses reflect a time when “commitment” really meant something in the culture of the people of those days. Whether you decide to engage in or abstain from non-committal sex, be warned that there are pros and cons to everything. While it may be burdensome and archaic to wait for a seemingly “dogmatic” or “meaningless” ceremony to engage in sex, perhaps it can help us fulfill our primal desire to protect children and hold ourselves accountable to our promises. Whether you engage in casual sex or not, the first thing to take away is “transparency”. If both parties have a known agreement in advance, it can mitigate the damage, but you’re fighting an uphill battle. Humans are designed to fall in love and bond. Having sex without a commitment is like waving a match over gasoline, as exciting as it is, the consequences can occur.
Meditate on these words:
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but a sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
King Solomon said it best: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the source of life” (Stories 4:23). (Relaxed sex opens your heart to hurt)
“He who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8
“He who wants to secure others first has already secured himself.” Confucius
“I’m afraid the modern girl likes to be Juliet to have a dozen Romeos. She loves adventure… The modern girl dresses not to protect herself from wind, rain and sun, but to attract attention. She improves nature by painting and it looks amazing.“ – Gandhi
“A woman of noble character. Who can find? She is more valuable than rubies.” Proberbs 31
and most importantly…
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
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